Swings and Roundabouts

[artisans]

Today started off with me being an idiot. I was impatient with my parents while they were changing and sorting out the shelf. Ugh it is so hard to connect with people. Lesson learned again, diazepam for the acute anxiety helps. Later I went with mum into town after I had one and viola I bought a teapot and tea.

Of course I feel like I am going back on the spending to make myself feel better thing. I got Harry Potter Tea which really is epic. But it was money. And I keep looking at amazon every day at least twice looking or something to treat myself to. So spending to make myself feel better is back. Should I take it as a good sign I am lifting my head and looking at my old coping methods? Probably not because I want to do better than that.

I've put a post it note app on my laptop so I can put up tdls. Of course I've gone and made it too long and I am itchy and panicky over how much I have to do! /face palms. I am idiot.

Also mum reminded me about the need to diet thanks mum.

Tonight everything feels too much again. It's my own damn fault I think. Why does anyone put up with me? I can't. I can't even enjoy a Return of the King watch along with Miranda because I have to keep texting and it's effort and ....

I am nearly crying.

Do I drink like I eem to do every night or do I try one more diazepam?

Writing this I think I should try the diazepam first. It is the healthier option I guess.

Yes. I will try it.

And not cut myself.

Or get the wine.

Well.....

A girl can hope and try.

It's my decision.

I need to be smart.