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I have tried to explain to my parents that I like at least one hours notice before I have company or have to go somewhere. It's been explained to them that I need the time to get ready. Of course they think its physical but it's more of a mental thing. I get so anxious if I am rushed. I don't have time to plan to think about what I want to say or have time to get the house into shape for their standards. I can feel the anxiety building up just thinking about it.

Today they tried to give me a thirty minute warning. I could only get extended it to forty minutes. my views on what I want are not taken into consideration because they are doing me a favour. I took a diazepam 2mg which was my only saviour considering I yelled at my parents tonight for planning times for me for tomorrow.

I hate this, I hate my own anger.


I had to call back and talk about something meaninglesss so I know they feel better. But I don't. I just want to cry.

What I feel seems to be meaningless to anyone who isn't a professional and I've put off talking to them this week apart from lifeline because I don't know what to say to them. I don't feel any better. I feel sick in myself. It's something I don't have a clue how to fix and even small steps are killing me.

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Lauren

January 2014

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